Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Was This Child ..

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"The man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me!"

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Awesome Aussie

This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. She's really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance. The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion!

After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.

"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!" She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces
herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes ike Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team.

Willy's Life Cycle

3 stages in the life of a willy. In its 20's, its like an oak tree; mighty & rock hard. In its 30's & 40's its like a birch tree; flexible but reliable. In its 50's & 60's its like a christmas tree; dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.

Pretty Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when
an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and
walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a
divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no
wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more
country club. But... the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the
restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Oh," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier."

Friday, December 05, 2008


My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her.
I said, 'Alright, fatty.'

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The baby's takes revenge from his dad?

A man comes home from work one day and is extremly horny so he goes home and has crazy sex with his wife all night long...The next day the woman tells him that she is pregnant but the man doesn't care and still has sex with her every single day for the next nine months...When the child is born and cleaned, he looks at his mother and asks, "Are you my dad?" Baffled, the mother replys that she is not and the baby moves on to the doctor and asks the same question, receiving the same answer from him, the nurse and his grandparents. The child finally moves on to his actual father..He asks, "Are you my dad?", and his father replys, "Why, yes I am my son." So the baby climbs up the mans pant leg and gets face to face with him and starts poking his father in the head and says, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT ******?!"