Thursday, August 28, 2008

Alarming Traffic

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:



Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:



That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity go the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:


Go slow and watch out for the chicks!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fee Will Only Be Paid If He Wins The Case

Many years ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fees.

The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court".

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues.

And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case.

So either way I will have to get the money". Equally brilliant, the student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet.

So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything".

This is one of the greatest paradoxe ' s ever recorded in history.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Little Suzy

Little Suzy raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked if her grandmother could have a baby. The teacher was a bit surprised at the question but answered that the grandmother was too old to have babies.

"So what about my mother?" asked Little Suzy. The teacher said that it was possible, but that her mother was probably getting too old to be having babies as well.

"Well, then could I have a baby?" she wanted to know.

"Goodness no!" said the teacher, "you are much too young."

"See!" yelled Little Johnny from the back of the classroom, "I told you YOU didn't have anything to worry about!"

Monday, August 25, 2008

Another Dumb Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Johnny Sees Parents Making Love

Johnny’s sleep was disturbed by a rythmic banging from his parents room. He peers round the door and sees his mother sitting astride his father bouncing up and down.

The next morning he asks his mother what she was doing bouncing up and down on daddy’s stomach.

Embarrassed but thinking quickly, she said, “your father has become a little fat recently and bouncing up and down on his stomach helps him lose weight.”

”You’re wasting your time,” replied little Johnny, “the lady from next door comes round every day and blows him back up again.”

Hamburger, coke and some fries

A blonde walks into a library and shouts "I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES."
The librarian says, "This is a library."

The blonde says, "Yes I know. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.''

And the librarian says, one more time, ''But this is a library, miss!"

The blonde goes "Oh," and whispers, "I'll have a hamburger a coke and fries!"