A Mother's Sex Education

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get
pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.
Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother
sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the
right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to
abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then
please use protection." Feeling proud of herself for being so
pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms. The
daughter laughs and hugs her mother.

"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"

Fwds

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain
letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and continuing
it in 2009 also....
Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for
removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle
infected with AIDS.

* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP,
LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc….

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they
cause cancer...

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and
sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to
dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to
Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will
get sick from the rat faeces and urine..

* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot
she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take
my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl
that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl!
she's been 7 since 1993...)

* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account
to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much
trustworthy.
* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or
Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also
obsolete now.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi
Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to
someone else)

IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next
10 seconds, a bird will P on your head today at 6:30pm.

Nothing has happened till now......... ......... ...but who knows.
So please forward.

What Would Tiger Do?

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her
husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been
with one other guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods, the golfer."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband
gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the
wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he goes back to the phone.

"What are you doing now?" she asks.

"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."

The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.

Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the
phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"